Sunday, May 13, 2012

We aren't in grad school anymore, Toto!


So I told Nupur about this blog, and she said I needed to back up a bit and write about the two months we spent getting the store ready to open.  For two women who had been living in nerdworld for a long time, the leap to working with tradesmen (emphasis on the “men”), material (“real” material as in tiles, paint, electrical, shelves, fridges, sinks, counters, etc. as opposed to the esoteric material of critical sociologists), and the public (a.k.a. the masses, the multitudes, the “faces of the other”), was jarring, to say the least.  

For the better part of a decade, Nupur and I were immersed in libraries, building fortresses of books around us and mingling only with other theory-heads in that intense and unhealthy way that only grad students can understand.  Our particular clique of nerds communicated in a short-hand language that was both obnoxious (to other people) and charming (to us). We weren’t as insufferable as some academics.  For instance, we didn’t pepper our conversations with French cinema and Crit Lit references or mention important theorists by their first names like we had just Starbucked them the other day.  

Still, our day-to-day parlance was shaped around the contours of our work.  When confronted with the dilemma of whether to shampoo AND condition, we would wonder, “What would Foucault do?”  (He would actually forego both since he was bald) When bored, we resorted to games of mental endurance with inebriated rounds of “Who’d you do?  Lenny Kravitz or Paul Gilroy?” (Well, d’uh!) The highlight of our social life was hitting the wine and cheese events that followed the lectures of visiting scholars. The bigger the scholar, the bigger the cheese.  This didn’t apply to wine.  Although, the bigger the scholar, the less likely you will get boxed wine.   But again, these rules are contingent on which faculty is hosting the event, when in the budget cycle the talk was happening, yadda yadda yadda, so perhaps you should ignore all the above examples as God’s truth...

But back to the store.  We rented an empty space measuring approximately 650 square feet on the ground floor with the same dimensions in the basement.  To get it ready, we had to build all the shelves, re-wire the electrical, put in new flooring, install lighting, purchase equipment, and a million other tiny details in between.  100% of the people who we worked with in order to pull this thing off, were men.  Old men, young men, White men, Black men, Asian men, nice men, mean men, indifferent men.  Misogynists, feminists, capitalist pigs, burnt-out labourers, artists, anarchists, hipsters – you name it, we came across them.  

A particular low point: We went to the lumber yard to buy 40 two by fours for our carpenter who didn’t have a vehicle.  All the workers refused to help Nupur and I load the wood in her minivan because they didn’t want to take responsibility in case the sheets fell off and killed somebody (their words).  They didn’t mind standing around and watching though.  As Nupur and I grunted, got slivers and bruises, and swore a bloody streak up and down the minivan, a dozen men stood around us with arms crossed and stone faces.  Remember, I had just given birth, and what they call my “pelvic floor” was not having its best moment, especially while hefting heavy lumber around.  I am sure I peed a bit, but under the circumstances, I really didn’t care if anyone noticed.  We shoved a sheet in, and another slipped out.  We tried piling them on top, but the ropes wouldn’t tie tight enough for them to stay still.  I’m not sure what those guys expected us to do.  Perhaps break down in tears, pleading with them in our littlest girl voices for help.  Actually, I was positive that that’s what they expected.  These are the reasons we didn’t:  1) we didn’t own little girl voices because we were 40 year old grown feminists more apt to kickass than to cry, and 2) I would sooner schlep each piece of lumber on my own shoulders across Dundas piece by piece like a crazed Jesus than ask these a-holes for further assistance.  After 2 hours of this (yes, 2 HOURS), the manager finally stepped in and called them to help.  They got the lumber secured in 10 minutes flat, and we finally drove off the lot.  I muttered “fuck” beneath my breath a hundred times and couldn’t wait to change my pants. 

Then, an unexpected experience:  We contacted a lighting company to help us figure out what we needed.  By this point in the process, we were dressed to work – old jeans, stained t-shirts, hair all fucked up.  In strode two men who were dressed like they were going to a wine bar on a second date.  The flattered us, even flirted a bit.  It’s a haze around what was actually said and done, but like all good players, they had finesse. There were moments that I thought the four of us would break into a hot and heavy salsa right there in our dingy, dirty storefront.  I started to regret that I hadn’t applied eyeliner that morning.  Don’t get me wrong.  While I loved, loved, loved my partner (oh, Andrew, you know I do!) and didn’t have the desire to change my FB status to “open relationship”, it’d been a long time since some young guy in nice clothes paid me any attention. When Nupur and I were sufficiently charmed, these players laid it on us.  They whipped out their plan – a detailed depiction of the floor plan we had described on the phone, overlaid with their ideas for lighting.  They included LED spotlights that would make the colour of the produce POP.  Apples would take on a thousand hues of red, each leaf of lettuce defined, the curve of a banana accentuated.  They would look like candy, enticing all the people on the street to march like zombies into our store, dazzled by the array of our wares.  The men swept their arms across the room, describing the soft glow that would bathe the store so that it would always look like mid-morning in the Caribbean.  Light!  Who knew?  We were elated, giddy, spun.  Until Nupur, always the more pragmatic and useful one between us, asked, “how much?”  They hemmed and hawed, trying valiantly to bring us back to the transformative magic of light. How much?  she demanded.  They slipped us an invoice.  10 k.  These are the things that make you go “hmmm”.  Suddenly, I felt dirty.  

While we couldn’t afford the Caribbean morning or the POP, Nupur and I agreed that it wasn’t a total waste of time.  We felt like we had just been on a double date, and as dates go, we’d both been on much, much worse.

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